You probably know what i’m talking about just from reading the title. Ya know, when your heart is feeling so heavy that you can literally feel the UGH.
I’ve found myself so very nostalgic lately. Life moves by so fast, and the people who were once your entire world are now just little them-shaped holes in your life. I find that more and more the older i get and more responsibilities i have, the more i find myself missing the “good old day” being 16 and surrounded by friends.
I moved to New Zealand at 18 and have found myself increasingly isolated ever since. It’s a shitty time of life to be moving to another country. You’re long passed those school years when making friends is super easy. It’s a transition phase for everyone. Most of my friends back home went off to uni or started jobs and they too lost touch with each other, but they still had the familiarity of their home and the chance to catch up with the old crew on the weekends and holidays. Now add in motherhood to the mix, and while i have an amazing group of friends who are also mothers, i still feel lonelier than ever because i’m so far estranged from the people i grew up with and the people who made me who i am today. Even if i were still in England, i know we wouldn’t see each other day in day out like we did at school, but at least they would only be a bus/train ride away for a rowdy weekend and a chin wag.
So, this is why i’m UGH at the moment. There’s no fix to this really and i suppose it’s a feeling that will never truly go away.
Friends – such a boring way to refer to the greatest people in your life, whom you choose to surround yourself with and do life with. But lets look at this in a bit more of a creative way than referring to these persons than “squad” or “crew”. Here are some references you may choose to use when #hashtagging your next group shot:
Keep these in mind next time you whip out your hashtags and selfie-sticks.
So i started a blog while ago, with the soul purpose of sharing my birth story. I got a little carried away and ended up adding multiple menus and dreaming about all the flashy content i could produce. There were travel, beauty, style, entertainment sections. Safe to say that it was $140 wasted, as i made a grand total of 3 posts, then realized it was too hard to upkeep with my overachieving plans for it.
Which bring me here. A blog that is more me. Where i can write freely and not feel pressured by myself to write “readable” content, or posts about trending bs.
The original blog i planned was just too fancy. Don’t get me wrong, i love fancy things. I am drawn to the shiny and the glamorous like a magpie. However the reality is, no matter how much i dream of the fancy life, it just isn’t my life and never will be. I can covert those $1000 red carpet gowns and expensive as heck goop that makes your face look plushy, but in reality i would have no where to wear that gown other than around the house where it would be vomited upon frequently by my lovely daughter, snagged on fences as i run through the paddock to say hi to my pet sheep, clicked by cats that i insist on carrying around despite their efforts to resist and molted upon by my cuddly pooch. And to be perfectly honest, i wouldn’t have my life any other way.
If i believed in reincarnation, i’d say my pull to the fancy and frivolous was down to my past life as some sort of empress, who had handmaidens and sat around in the nude covered in glitter and jewels while my minions fed me grapes and did my bidding. Now i’m here in 2018, my minions are gone and i am left to fend for myself, and there is no room for the fancy. Or maybe i was some sort of god, like Glory from BTVS (yes i am a HUGE Buffy fan), it would explain my craziness and shoe obsession.
Anyway, this is me. Just a girl, born in Yorkshire, brought up on a council estate, moved to New Zealand (moved up in the world with my fanciness just a tad) and now i am here. A mother, a wife, an admirer of the finer things in life which will never practically fit into my life. And this is my blog, where i will write whatever pops in my muddled baby brain.